#lifewithoutfilters // weariness


This month marks the one year “anniversary” of Stuart and me beginning our journey of raising support together. This time last year, Stuart had just quit his 9-5 investment job, and we were moving out of our beloved Columbus townhouse to embark on an unknown length of time of nomad life. When we began our journey 12 months ago, we both anticipated the time it would take us being a lot less than where we are now. But now, 12 months later, we can also see God’s fingerprints on our journey, showing us why His timing is different from our own.

However, even knowing we are resting in God’s timing, raising support can be downright exhausting. Many times it feels like you’re doing all this work and the numbers are either not changing or they’re inching upwards at a very slow pace. It feels like the work you’re doing is for naught. And you start wondering why the heck you made the decision to quit your steady, dependable life, for a life of living with your parents, having very little income and constantly feeling like you’re in an uncomfortable limbo. Life becomes weary. Friends, I have become weary.

But then God speaks:

“Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Galatians 6:9

I have to be honest with you. There have been so many times that I have wanted to give up. I’m not the greatest at perseverance. And God knew that when He called me to this life. And therefore, He covered my weaknesses by sending me someone to portray God’s strength to me when I am weary.

Seriously you guys, I don’t think I’d still be doing this if it weren’t for Stuart. When I doubt, he is strong. He reminds me of all the ways that God has shown us that this is His will. He reminds me that this isn’t just a choice. It’s a calling. And God’s callings are not always easy. Actually, 9 times out of 10 they are the opposite of easy. Usually when God calls you to do something, there’s a lot of unknown in the mix that you kind of just have to accept with faith and say, “I’m in no matter what.”

I’m sure Moses was weary at some point, after getting rejected by Pharaoh time and time again. But at the same time, he knew that going back into that palace (or whatever Pharaoh’s lived in back then…) was what God called him to do.

I’m sure Abraham was weary of being childless and homeless for so many years, waiting for God’s promise of a son and a new home. But he trusted God even while living in the wilderness with a barren wife.

I’m sure Ruth was weary of picking up the leftover wheat to provide for herself and her bitter mother-in-law, day in and day out. But she kept at it, and because of that the man of her dreams fell in love with her, and she not only has an entire book of the Bible about her life, but she’s also in the bloodline of Jesus.

And I’m sure Jesus was tempted with weariness when he was rejected by the very people he created and was about to die for. But regardless, He carried His cross up a hill, allowed himself to be nailed to it and faced death with a love that changed the world.

So you see, I’m in good company. But the important part is that each of those people chose to not give up. When life wasn’t happening as fast as they expected or would have liked, they didn’t say “I’m over this, peace out God,” turning their back on Him and going their own way. And in the end, you can see how worth it all the hard, weary days were.

I want to be a Ruth. A Moses. An Abraham. I want to turn my weariness into perseverance, and my doubt into faith. I want to reap a harvest of hard work that I know is from the Lord, because I’m keeping on keeping on doing the good work He has called me to. I can tell you honestly that even after 6 years of being on staff, I still feel very much out of my comfort zone raising support. It can be one of the most awkward, trying, difficult things. But that’s probably how Moses, Abraham, Ruth and Jesus felt regarding their life’s calling. But they didn’t give up. And thank goodness! Our world would be a whole lot different if any one of them had taken the easy route and decided God’s promise to them wasn’t worth the wait.

So I’m not going to give up either. 12 months down. Only God knows how many more it’s going to take. But I know this is GOOD work, so I’m not going to allow the weariness cause me to forget the harvest that is coming. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30