I’ve been meaning to post this for weeks, but new mommy syndrome doesn’t allow much time for blogging…but better late than never right? :)
Three weeks ago, our baby boy, Knox Jeffrey Grandlienard, entered our lives…a week and a half early! He was born on Christmas Eve at 7:54pm, weighing 7lbs 13oz and 20.5in long. It was one of the most difficult days of my life, but the end definitely justified the means. And it’s been a beautiful blur ever since.
Labor was NO joke, and I have absolutely no plans to go through it again ANY time soon. Which is an upgrade from the day of, where I said NEVER AGAIN!!! At some point (who knows when, seeing how long it took to post this one!) I hope to write a blog post more in depth about my birth story, but I’ll give you the reader’s digest version:
For about the last month of my pregnancy, I started having really high blood pressure, and it got to a point where my doctor was nervous it would turn into preeclampsia, so at my 38 week appointment on December 23rd, she told me she wanted to induce me the next day. The day of, my blood pressure was up and down, and Knox’s heart rate dropped a few times resulting in 52 nurses rushing into the room, and some scary moments for Stuart and me.
Going into labor, I wanted to attempt to go natural with no medical interventions, but since I had to be induced, I only lasted about two hours, before my contractions were really intense and only 2 minutes apart. I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer at that rate so I asked for an epidural. It only really worked on my right side, and for a few hours, I had really intense back labor which the epidural didn’t touch. About 2 hours before I began pushing, I had no pain and got to rest for a bit. But then I began feeling a lot of pressure and the contractions coming on really strong, and the nurse told me I was at 10 centimeters. Unfortunately, the epidural had completely worn off by this point, so I felt all the pain of pushing, which like I said to me, was the most difficult part.
35 minutes later, when he came out, Knox scared us all by not breathing, and it took what felt like 10 hours (but in actuality, was probably only 30-45 seconds) until we heard that first beautiful cry. Poor Stuart was jumping back and forth between Knox and me, trying to see what was going on with the baby, but also trying to calm me down since I was freaking out that our baby wasn’t crying. So when I finally got to hold him, it was definitely one of the most amazing, emotional moments of my life. (And thanks to being pumped full of fluids and experiencing the intense crash of all those pregnancy hormones, NOT one of my most attractive…)
As I’ve talked to friends and family about Knox’s birth, I’ve gotten a lot of questions, but consistently these two arise:
1. Which was worse: kidney stones (I had TWO during this pregnancy alone…) or labor. And it may come as a surprise to those who have also experienced both, but I think I’d have to say labor! Maybe that’s because with a kidney stone, I knew shortly after walking into the hospital I would get hooked up to dilaudid, AKA magic in an IV, and my pain would be gone in a snap…as opposed to labor, which took 12 hours. And for me, the grand finale (pushing) was the most painful, exhausting part of all.
(Side note: speaking of pushing, I just have to say to all the moms out there who pushed for 1+ hours, YOU ARE AMAZING. I pushed for 35 minutes, and multiple times I about gave up. I kept thinking, “if I have to do this for hours, I’m not gonna make it!” But even though I kept saying I couldn’t do it, Philippians 4:13 took on a whole new meaning for me, and somehow I did it.)
2. Where the name Knox came from. Stuart and I actually talked through names months before we started trying to get pregnant. (I had major baby fever, and that was my way of appeasing it.) We decided on a girl name pretty quickly, but couldn’t really find a boy name that we both really loved. Then I was on Instagram one day and saw that a blogger I follow (but don’t actually know in person) has a son named Knox. I thought it was really unique and strong sounding, and was thrilled when Stuart felt the same way!
We had Jeffrey picked out as a middle name early on since it’s my Dad’s name, and my Dad is one of the most important people in my life. He’s been there for me through thick and thin, no matter what ridiculous thing I might be calling him about, and I want Knox to know how special it is that he’s named after his Papa.
I was really into finding a name that had a significant meaning, and since Knox and Jeffrey put together means, “hill of divine peace,” I was sold. I thought that was a really neat meaning for a boy, one that reminded me of strength and a firm foundation, which I pray Knox finds in the Lord as he grows up. I looked for a verse that had to do with a hill, or something relating to a firm foundation, and found Matthew 5:14-16, and have prayed it over him and his little life many times.
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds, and praise your Father in heaven.”
It is definitely my prayer that Knox would know Jesus from a young age, and that as he gets older, his life points others to Jesus and His amazing love. I hope that Knox can be someone that others look to for a peace that only Jesus can give, and that he be someone others can trust to give them godly guidance.
Even in just the past three weeks, I’ve found myself worrying about Knox’s little life and his future. But knowing that God loves him even more than I do (which is hard to fathom!) gives me a comfort that no matter what comes, God’s plan is best. Now having a son, I feel like I have a new understanding of the depth of God’s love for us, that He sent his only Son to die a horrific death to save the world. I can’t imagine watching Knox go through any sort of pain, let alone a death such as Jesus went through. I hope I can show Knox even just a glimpse of that love in the way I raise him and love him, but most importantly, always point him to the One who created him and loves him the most.