Yep, I’m pregnant! And yep, just last week we found out that I’m remaining in the boymom club! [For now ;)]
There are so many emotions that go through your mind as you walk into [and out of] the ultrasound room when you find out the gender of your baby. But our rollercoaster of pregnancy emotions didn’t begin there. This has been a TOUGH pregnancy, friends. Let’s rewind a bit…
At the end of April I started having crazy dreams, and began freaking out thinking I was pregnant. [Not that we didn’t want another baby, but we were anticipating a very busy summer of traveling to the west coast for ministry and visiting family. So the idea of being pregnant during that sounded inconvenient, among other things.]
However, as we’ve learned many times before, God’s timing is NOT always our timing, and sure enough, 2 lines showed up on the test. And all I could think of was how we were leaving in a little over a week for the west coast. Which of course ended up being perfect timing for my “morning” [aka ALL DAY] sickness to begin.
Y’all. If you’ve read parts of the Bible, you know that God allows his children to go through trials in order to make them stronger and bring them closer to himself. Let me tell you. The month of June was ONE BIG TRIAL. Stuart and I know how blessed we are to be given the chance to raise another child, and what an immense joy the ability to bear children is, but goodness gracious, was I MISERABLE.
I wasn’t a great wife, I wasn’t a great friend and I wasn’t a great showerer. [I apologize to all those who were living in the dorm with us during that time…] Lucky for me, that hubs of mine stuck by me and did everything he could to make my life easier [such as taking Knox to the dining hall by himself for two days straight because I was experiencing flu-like symptoms, and wanted to puke thinking about walking in there.]
Oh, but the trial didn’t stop with “simple” morning sickness…adding on top of my all day nausea, we were getting over slight jetlag, which is hard enough as an adult. But Knox being the little toddler he is, woke up at 4:00/4:30am every.single.day.for.3.weeks.straight.
But y’all, the good news is WE SURVIVED. Just barely, but we did survive.
Luckily, after our time in Santa Barbara staffing the sports camp was over and we were heading to LA to visit my first set of family, I was finally starting to feel a tad better.
We visited Disneyland, which was SO sentimental to me, especially bringing my son, since my family frequented Disney World when I was growing up. Some people go on “It’s a Small World” and are totally freaked out by the singing dolls, but to me it was like being transported back to being 5 years old and I was in bliss. My aunt even watched Knox that evening so Stuart and I could go on non-kiddie rides [nothing too rough for me obviously!] and enjoy an evening alone in a magical wonderland.
Next we headed up to Seattle, and Knox FINALLY started getting used to the time change and waking up at a more normal time. [All the praise hands!] It was the most relaxing part of our trip, with a little sight seeing, [Pike Place, obviously] a few trips to a little beach with Knox and naps for all 3 of us pretty much every day. I felt bad that we couldn’t do more hiking/touristy stuff since I got exhausted so quickly, but I’m pretty sure my outdoor-loving husband still had a good time :) The best part was simply being with family that I haven’t seen in years and introducing them to our sweet boy.
But let me tell you, when we walked in our house after the month away, I’m pretty sure I cried out of relief of being home. No matter how awesome a trip away is, home is always a welcomed sight at the end. Just another wave of emotions.
Anyway, fast forward to a few days ago when we were anxiously anticipating seeing the first images of our sweet babe #2, and finally hearing whether Knox would have a little brother or sister.
Leading up to the day of your gender-revealing ultrasound, EVERYONE will ask if you have a gut feeling of baby’s gender, or what you’re hoping the baby will be. Well, I’m sure some moms out there want all boys, but if you see any of my childhood pictures, you’d know I was pretty darn girlie. So to be completely honest and vulnerable with you, I was really hoping this baby would be a girl.
This pregnancy as a whole felt very similar to Knox’s pregnancy, so I knew that could mean it was another boy, and I tried convincing myself it was a boy so I wouldn’t be disappointed. But in the back of my mind I still really wanted to bring home my bundle of joy in some sort of pink outfit. Preferably with ruffles. And a bow.
So when the ultrasound technician said “oh I see something…” honestly, my heart sank a little bit. I was SO relived our baby was healthy and growing on track, but I had really wanted to hear, “it’s a girl!” I just looked at Stuart and smiled and knew he knew what I was thinking.
Then God decided to give us an extra dose of perspective.
When we finished our ultrasound, we had to sit near the nurses station until a room opened up for us to see the doctor. While we were sitting there, a nurse came out of one of the rooms and told the other nurses and doctor there was a girl in one of the rooms who was 15 weeks pregnant and she couldn’t find a heartbeat using the monitor. She looked a little stressed, and asked the doctor to double check. The nurses whispered a bit about how heartbreaking it’d be if it was true and how unexpected it was at that far gestation.
Well the doctor went in and she couldn’t find a heartbeat either. My heart sank for that poor couple. Thanks to pregnancy hormones I furiously wiped away at tears that wouldn’t stop.
I’ve never lost a baby, but my sweet baby nephew, Isaiah, is in heaven, born at only 22 weeks, and I have multiple close friends and family members who have had miscarriages, so I know a small extent to the heartbreak of infant loss and miscarriage. [Not that I will EVER understand what it’s truly like to go through as a mom, unless I experience it myself.]
As the couple exited the room to head into the ultrasound room, we entered their room. I couldn’t stop crying for them, and crying at how grateful I was that we had a healthy baby no matter what the gender.
That night as we prayed together, Stuart and I thanked God immensely for our sweet baby boy, prayed over his remaining 20 [possibly more] weeks, and prayed for comfort for that couple. I can’t imagine what they must have been feeling going home that night knowing their sweet babe wouldn’t be crying and squirming in their arms at the end of their pregnancy.
So yes, I’m pregnant. And it’s another boy. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Each new day and each tiny kick I feel, I’m reminded what an incredible blessing God has given me, and that He is the only one who knows the number of this sweet boy’s days. Just because I’m 20 weeks along doesn’t mean I’m “safe.” Trusting the Lord is so difficult some days, and I tend to take for granted some of the things in life that seem “simple” to me.
I’ve definitely seen how pregnancy the second time around, when you have a toddler to take care of, is a completely different ball game. And clearly, there have been many additional things that have made this pregnancy “inconvenient” and difficult, but God’s timing is best, and every day I want to do my best to trust Him with everything in my life, including my convenience, my family and my life.
Thanks to everyone who has shown us love with this new addition to our family, it’s so nice to know this sweet boy is so loved already! We can’t wait for Knox to be a big brother, and to have a buddy for life. I never would’ve guessed it when I was younger, but I’m loving this whole “boymom” thing :)
[And a BIG thanks to my friend Ashley Warner for the ADORABLE pics below!!]